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  Finding Humor In Grief - Excerpt

 

Finding Humor In Grief

 

Beauty for Ashes

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Hoodless Klan

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  This is a very sad and very funny true story of how Dr. Ruth learned to push past the grief of losing her husband of 45 years. It's also her spiritual journey to draw closer to God, while finding the new normal for daily living.  


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Chapter Six – “Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This!”
Psalm 30:5
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
The day before what would have been my forty-fifth wedding anniversary was the second most tear-filled day since Waverly died. I woke up that morning, kneeling for my usual prayer thanking God for another day, and promising to be productive and patient. But before I could utter a word, I started sobbing and shouting, “So what’s next? What happens now? What is it that you want me to do alone that I couldn’t do with Waverly, God What do you want of me? WHAT?!!”

I know we’re not supposed to talk to God like that, but the “one day-one blessing at a time” thing wasn’t working for me. Wasn’t I able to fulfill my divine purpose in life while standing next to Waverly? I went from my parents’ home to my husband’s home, so God must have known that I wasn’t meant to be alone! What was He thinking?

I didn’t thank Him for my daily abundance of blessings, and I didn’t pray for anyone else that day. I must have shown the minimum respect by saying “Amen,” but cried getting dressed and walking Lucky. I cried because I couldn’t find the Staples coupon for the ink cartridge I needed, and then because I couldn’t find one sneaker. I made it a point to keep busy with a number of tasks, but wiped away the steady stream of tears while doing them all. I got angry with myself because I made my eyes puffy, and then I cried about that.

By late evening, I felt terrible about the way I had behaved all day. God could have sent me a stern message, borrowing a line in the movie, Taxi Driver: “You talkin’ ta ME?” I owed Him a more gracious prayer that night, and I knew I had better pray for someone besides my sorry self! Tomorrow would be better.

I knelt down and bowed my head, thanking God especially for this day that tested my faith, understanding and patience. I thanked Him for the profusion of love from my family and friends, and for allowing me almost forty-five years with my true love. I thanked God for taking Waverly so quickly and painlessly, without his lingering or experiencing discomfort or losing his dignity. We can’t choose our exit from this life, but if we could, we’d opt for a quick and painless transition like my Waverly encountered.

I promised to try to follow His spiritual path by faith, since I couldn’t see the plan right then. Patience was never my strength, and I confessed to God that I regretted ever having lost patience with my husband. I began wailing again!

A soft voice inside of me caused me to make another promise to God: “Since I can’t change anything I did or said before Waverly died, I WILL go forward consciously TRYING to exercise daily patience with everyone around me.” I drew comfort from the thought of replacing that guilt with a commitment to change something unflattering about myself. Before rising, I asked God to help me keep my patience pledge. I heard HIM say in response, “Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This.”“Amen. Amen.”

 

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